It's amazing that a group of strangers, scattered all over the country, know more about me then some of my closest family and friends. Thinking I could cope with my loss alone, was a mistake. People don't talk about this, which in return causes people to now know how to react.
They don't know all the little things that they say or do that hurt them. I've been feeling so lost and alone. I dread the nights. In and out of depression. I'm hoping this online support group can bring me out of this. Everytime I think I'm doing better, something sends me spirling back into it.
Sunday, I should have been celebrating my first Mother's Day. Instead I'll be greiving for a baby I never got to meet. This hole will never be filled, but someday, maybe it won't hurt so bad.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Friday, April 15, 2011
Duckies and Healing
I'm now the proud owner of two baby duckies! I'm unsure of their sex, as Keith won't "sex" them, and I'm not good with the anatomy of poltry. They are so adorable and are going to be a good addtion to our little "family". I'm still considering names, it would be eaiser if I knew the sex, so I didn't have to rely on gender neutral names.
Today I stopped in to visit a friend. She's someone I've known for years but was never very close to, and until my miscarriage, I wasn't close to. She's been the one I've confided in and looked to for support. Today I was able to talk about it. It hurts a litle less each day, but the pain and sadness is always there at the back of my mind. I don't cringe everytime someone says their pregnant. I don't cry everytime I see a new baby. I still get furious everytime I see someone complain about being pregnant, or their children. I'm feeling better after talking today. I'm still tossing around the idea of a support group, because I'm still afraid to be pregnant again. I don't know if I could go through it. I'm psyching myself out when it comes for my "monthly visitor". But she told me this is all normal, so maybe I'm healing at the right pace for myself.
It's amazing how new friendship build as others crumble.
Today I stopped in to visit a friend. She's someone I've known for years but was never very close to, and until my miscarriage, I wasn't close to. She's been the one I've confided in and looked to for support. Today I was able to talk about it. It hurts a litle less each day, but the pain and sadness is always there at the back of my mind. I don't cringe everytime someone says their pregnant. I don't cry everytime I see a new baby. I still get furious everytime I see someone complain about being pregnant, or their children. I'm feeling better after talking today. I'm still tossing around the idea of a support group, because I'm still afraid to be pregnant again. I don't know if I could go through it. I'm psyching myself out when it comes for my "monthly visitor". But she told me this is all normal, so maybe I'm healing at the right pace for myself.
It's amazing how new friendship build as others crumble.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
•Day 06- Favorite super hero and why?
Believe it or not I'm a big Super Hero movie person. I'm not big on comics, but when they make it into a movie I'm there!
If I had to pick my favorite Super Hero, it would be Batman, the caped crusader. He's just an ordinary man trying to clean up the streets of his city. He uses technology to give him his "super powers", while Super Heroes are all a bit far fetched, he's the most realistic.
I have to admit, I do not like any of the original Batman Movies after seeing the new ones.
If I had to pick my favorite Super Hero, it would be Batman, the caped crusader. He's just an ordinary man trying to clean up the streets of his city. He uses technology to give him his "super powers", while Super Heroes are all a bit far fetched, he's the most realistic.
I have to admit, I do not like any of the original Batman Movies after seeing the new ones.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Welfare Reform....
A beautiful woman comes into the store, wearing American Eagle clothing. She has several rings and other jewelry of high quality with a manicure and pedicure peeking out of her sandals. Her hair is highlighted and styled. She's talking on brand new cell phone. She's got a Coach purse. She's got a cart full of steaks, sea food, pop, chips, cookies, energy drinks, candies, lunch cakes, beer, and tobacco. She gets into line and when it's time to pay, she whips out her BridgeCard, and after paying for her food items with the Food Card, she opens that designer wallet and has to pick through to find one of several $50 bills to pay for what is not covered by my hard earned tax dollars.
What's the problem with this picture? Actually find something that doesn't piss me off. I'm not against Government assistance. I feel that people who legitimately need help should be able to get TEMPORARY help. Working in a grocery store, I see this everyday.
The Government could cut a lot of their spending with some Welfare Reform. Spend a week working in any store and they could see ways to help lower that deficit.
1. Pop/Soda... I drink pop, but I work and choose to spend my money on it. While it doesn't bother me so much that they buy the pop, it's that they can purchase the bottle deposit on the Food Card, and then turn around and cash the bottles in and use the money to buy alcohol or tobacco.
If you're going to allow then to buy pop, then make them pay for their own damn deposit. If they can't pay for the deposit then they really don't need the pop.
2. Energy Drinks ... Several years back we received a letter from the State, stating that energy drinks such as Redbull, NOS, Monster, ect... are not a food stampable item.
Not all, but a lot of the people that are being supported by Food Stamps, do NOT work. Why is it if you don't work, do you need the State to buy you energy drinks so you can sit around on your ass.
To those of you who try to buy them, STOP. Just because Walmart lets you get away with it, doesn't mean we are willing to lose our license just so you can have it. If you have the cash to buy 10 energy drinks a week @ $3 each, then you do NOT need State Assistance.
3. Junk Food... I'm not a super healthy eater, but I feel that if someone else is buying your food, then you should attempt to eat healthy. Wic has been changed to allow bread, milk, eggs, cheese, fruits and veggies to be given out. Why can't they allow a certain amount per person of each of the food groups. They could even give a small amount for snacks. I'm not a cruel person, but I'm tired of seeing people live off chips and cookies.
4. Remaining Balance.... It used to be that each month any money left on your card was taken off. Now you can keep an ongoing balance. You'll see people with balances over $1000 for a single elderly gentleman. I've seen $2000+ balances for a family. That's TOO much money. I spend about $100-$150 every two weeks for Keith and myself. And I throw out so much stuff. They give out tooooo much for each person.
5. Tax... Ice and deli sandwiches are taxable items, but they are also foodstampable items. The State says people with the BridgeCard don't have to pay the tax on these items, but I DO.
If they want to buy ice and deli sandwiches, then they can pay that small tax amount.
It's discouraging to see these people who choose or refuse not to work have a better life than I do. I work hard to get buy. It's time to start making them accountable for the choices they make. They go through life having child after child to keep that free money coming in, and I'm working myself to the bone to survive. I'm proud that I've purchased everything I own, but enough is enough.
This is not to make anyone feel bad about needing help. I see people everyday struggling to get by, and they make just too much to qualify, and then you see Coach girl up there, living the high life.
There are so many more points to this, but I'm far to tired to get into them.
What's the problem with this picture? Actually find something that doesn't piss me off. I'm not against Government assistance. I feel that people who legitimately need help should be able to get TEMPORARY help. Working in a grocery store, I see this everyday.
The Government could cut a lot of their spending with some Welfare Reform. Spend a week working in any store and they could see ways to help lower that deficit.
1. Pop/Soda... I drink pop, but I work and choose to spend my money on it. While it doesn't bother me so much that they buy the pop, it's that they can purchase the bottle deposit on the Food Card, and then turn around and cash the bottles in and use the money to buy alcohol or tobacco.
If you're going to allow then to buy pop, then make them pay for their own damn deposit. If they can't pay for the deposit then they really don't need the pop.
2. Energy Drinks ... Several years back we received a letter from the State, stating that energy drinks such as Redbull, NOS, Monster, ect... are not a food stampable item.
Not all, but a lot of the people that are being supported by Food Stamps, do NOT work. Why is it if you don't work, do you need the State to buy you energy drinks so you can sit around on your ass.
To those of you who try to buy them, STOP. Just because Walmart lets you get away with it, doesn't mean we are willing to lose our license just so you can have it. If you have the cash to buy 10 energy drinks a week @ $3 each, then you do NOT need State Assistance.
3. Junk Food... I'm not a super healthy eater, but I feel that if someone else is buying your food, then you should attempt to eat healthy. Wic has been changed to allow bread, milk, eggs, cheese, fruits and veggies to be given out. Why can't they allow a certain amount per person of each of the food groups. They could even give a small amount for snacks. I'm not a cruel person, but I'm tired of seeing people live off chips and cookies.
4. Remaining Balance.... It used to be that each month any money left on your card was taken off. Now you can keep an ongoing balance. You'll see people with balances over $1000 for a single elderly gentleman. I've seen $2000+ balances for a family. That's TOO much money. I spend about $100-$150 every two weeks for Keith and myself. And I throw out so much stuff. They give out tooooo much for each person.
5. Tax... Ice and deli sandwiches are taxable items, but they are also foodstampable items. The State says people with the BridgeCard don't have to pay the tax on these items, but I DO.
If they want to buy ice and deli sandwiches, then they can pay that small tax amount.
It's discouraging to see these people who choose or refuse not to work have a better life than I do. I work hard to get buy. It's time to start making them accountable for the choices they make. They go through life having child after child to keep that free money coming in, and I'm working myself to the bone to survive. I'm proud that I've purchased everything I own, but enough is enough.
This is not to make anyone feel bad about needing help. I see people everyday struggling to get by, and they make just too much to qualify, and then you see Coach girl up there, living the high life.
There are so many more points to this, but I'm far to tired to get into them.
•Day 05- A picture of somewhere you’ve been to
The most amazing place I've been to was The UP with Keith. It was our first vacation together, and we saw so many amazingly beautiful things. I can't wait until we can go back and see more! It's a whole other world up there.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
•Day 04- A habit that you wish you didn't have
Overspending... Or lack of saving. I LOVE to buy for other people. Not that I think money buy's love, but if I find something that makes me think of someone in my life, I like to grab it! I need to start saving, because living paycheck to paycheck really sucks!
Friday, April 8, 2011
•Day 03- A picture of you and your friends
These are some of the most important people in my life. There is not a grid large enough to put every friend, so if you're left out, it wasn't intentional!
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